Gillian (blueroses614) wrote in best_day_ever,

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loneliness or honesty with self?

i've spent so much time without my friends...
that avoiding the people who i wish to avoid has become too damn easy, because they just dont bother anymore. as of today, it has been exactly one week since i've seen any of my friends. two days since the last phone call, which i made to a certain female who used to be very close to me. she swore she'd call me back.... and voila, day 7 of loneliness passed by as uneventfully as the other 6. well...i suppose i could get upset by this, and i suppose its not too late to admit that i am, but in all honesty, this is giving me a chance to express the independence from society that i've always dreamed of having. i had hoped that it would happen somewhere outside of my parent's that i could go do stuff by myself that is interesting and not just sit on my ass every day in front of this box. but really, this is a huge learning experience. i've always been the independent type, bragging that i could just pack up and leave this world behind, the people the places, everything, and do what i wanted when i wanted (all the stuff kids dream about doing when theyre grownups with no responsibilities and an endless supply of money). and i still could because i'm too proud for my own good. i love being alone when i'm moving, but not when i'm forced to stand still.
i hate this. but really, its bringing me 6 steps closer to how i want to live. and as much as it sucks, i really like this.
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